so much death

i'm useless to my best friend because i'm stupid

also

i went to the emma party and when my keystone left the water came gushing out and i cried and everyone watched and it wasn't even my own party. i'm such a noob, emma.

then they went to sing rocky horror picture show and showtunes

i don't sing, and i don't know any of that stuff

the rain felt glorious. it felt like a big hug. i felt one with the storminess of it all, she and i were one once again
i hope she rains more, it's so glorious

emma von euler has been dead for one year

all i really have to say is that after one year of this, i'm more like her (as she is now) than I am like the rest of you.


i was never one of you

but now i'm not even sure that i am alive in the same way that you are

whatever

the less i am like this world of murderers and fiends, the better.

god im bored

it helps that i cant sleep

5:04 AM

and that's when I started writing it


I'm not even thinking about Emma

I'm just broken

broken in the head

maybe it's the bipolar. idk. i didn't have this problem before
or my sleep schedule which is even more toast than usual. i took a nap yesterday that i got up from at 2.
but even then... should be getting tired by now.

oh god im supposed to hang out with my best friend today.
this is gonna be a disaster